home life

so… being home again, and out of the hospital has helped my recovery tremendously.  in the two weeks since my surgery, i’m able to take multiple walks a day [45 minutes was my longest to date].  i’m able to sleep reasonably well and can focus on getting my mind back on interesting topics rather than just contemplating and waiting.

first off, there are many things they dont’ tell you about this surgery beforehand.  i had asked them to not sugar coat the procedure nor the post-op activity.  unfortunately, the average age of this procedure is quite a bit more than me.  i’m 30.  most all the people on my floor were in their 70′s and above.  no offense to my readers who are that age, or close to it, but that’s twice my age.

i would consider myself a healthy and fit person, before all this health issue began.  i’ve been struggling quite a bit with post-op recovery.  i cannot fathom how difficult it must be for those who are older, in less shape and less capable of handling the pain.  my hats off to them for managing through it all as well.

right, so back to the post-op.  i did not know the chest tubes would be so painful.  i mean painful.  pain i’ve never been able to have in my life.  i can’t explain it other than imagine the picture of all the muscles on a skeleton.  now, all those muscles that you can feel?  yeah… no biggie.  you bump them often.  now imagine all those muscles inside your rib cage.  they never get bumped.  well, that’s where the chest tubes were residing, and with every movement, they rubbed against those nice and sensitive muscles.   it’s not a nice feeling.

also, being sutured up with no pain meds, a la fisherman style, is one where i would recommend you put  your mind in another place.  preferably a happy place.  it’ll be over soon enough.

previous to this whole episode, i was working with a great chiropractor to alleviate some spinal discontent.  all that work is out the window, so it’ll be starting over again once i can lay down on my stomach.  sleeping on my back isn’t bad, but i look forward to the day i can roll on my side for a little change of pace.

i’ve been able to gain strength with each day throughout this post-discharge phase.  i’ve had a few really hard days.  it’s amazing how your physical and emotional pain are so intertwined.  when the physical pain gets too much, it really feels like the emotional pain comes dumping down on top of you all at once.

going through an ordeal such as this, where i’ve seen my life flash before my eyes, to being told i have cancer and then to survive a traumatic surgery… it really makes you realize what is and what is not important in your life.  i’ve had to relive a lot the past six weeks.  and i’ve had to relearn what is important in my life, and what i’ve really missed out on.  it’s been a huge growing period for me.

also, i’ve had the good fortune to never be down for more than a week or two physically in my life.  this is a major step towards being forced patience.  and oh boy is it painful to learn that.  to know i have 10 more weeks of being patient is incredibly difficult to swallow.  to not have a physical outlet to blow steam off with, or curb my emotions with is going to be a major test of my mental ability.  it already has in many regards.

i’ve also had the fortune to have such an amazing supportive cast of friends and family.  without my family here to support me all the way i would be flailing.  and without the constant and positive support from my friends, i would be hard pressed to be as positive as i am.

i go in to meet with the surgical team this afternoon for a post-op analysis.  i hope to find out how fast or slow i am recovering.  i also hope to find out the results of my biopsy, should it be done by today.  now, i haven’t been cleared of cancer 100% just yet, so i’m not out of the woods.  i hope i am clear of that possibility, but i know in the back of my mind i have to be concerned.

i’ll post an update on what the surgeons say here shortly…kev