kevin mchugh

this morning, bright and early was my CT scan to determine which surgical option i get to partake in.  it was plenty easy, just another IV jammed into my arm.  i’ve got plenty of holes in my arms now.  if i’ve counted properly, that would make for 8 IV holes in my arms in under 17 days.  nice.

after the exam, i was fortunate to be given my radiology films, both xrays and ct scans from the beginning of this little adventure through this morning.  of course… i’m not a radiologist, so i really have no clue what the hell i’m looking at, or for.  i can see ribs.  and the rest?  is it my heart?  lungs are pretty obvious… ack… i haven’t a clue.

that’s one of many slides i have.. and from dec 2.  i’ll post up more in a bit… i also made a little ct scan movie… but it’s huge, so streaming it would slaughter my bandwidth right now… sorry.. i’ll post it up somehow soon.

of course.. nothing would be complete without a little adventure.  due to the frigid temperatures of recent [17F this morning], i had the fortune of my driver side window… getting damaged.  yeah.  turns out the window regulator  snapped… so even though the window was still up when i went in for the ct scan… upon returning to the car… no more window.  it was hiding in the door.

luckily…just luckily i had read last night that vw had extended their warranty specifically for this part, and i was still in that window.  but, it was effing frigid outside.  so my dad and i drove in the cold up to my car dealer… to find that the service manager had a sweet little trick to get the window back up with nothing more than two plastic sticks and some duct tape, then jammed the window up in the door.  anyways.. car is fine, for now.  gotta take my car in for a little surgery too now… ahh.. what’s an early morning without an adventure?

needless to say.  i have no clue what type of surgery is going to be done.  i did not meet with the surgical team today.  i will be meeting with them wednesday afternoon, potentially in the morning if other patients cancel and allow me in sooner to see the team.  at that point, i will be posting here exactly what my future lies ahead.  i’ve got a long list of questions to ask before i get a little more comfortable with this whole ordeal.. but hey.  i’ll be breathing after all this!

mahalo, kev

on thursday i was fortunate to both meet with work, and with my primary care physician.  both meetings were highly positive.

i cannot express how lucky i am to be working with the phenomenal group of people i work with.  not only that, but all my management and the entire company are backing me on my road to recovery.   i cannot imagine working anywhere else, especially in this current time.  my health is of most importance to them, and they are doing everything in their abilities to make sure i stay on health insurance.

i will also be starting a spin-in back to work.  they will be providing me with a laptop and ability to work remotely in order to both mentally get my mind rotating again, as well as getting roped back into the process of work, but also into a system where my whole body is getting going again, rather than just sit and wait.  it definitely helps that i have something to focus on regarding my health, and thus i am getting excited to get my life back on track and spun back into my normal routine of work, and hopefully sooner rather than later, my favorite activities!

i also met with my PCP, who was extremely reassuring.  he was excellent in his ability to fill in the information gaps that the surgeons discussion created.  he put me at ease regarding why i am still having horrible night sweats, fevers, occassional breakouts on my hands [you know this one justine,dave and bromley!].  when he stated that my body is in a lot of stress, he didn’t mean mental stress.  he meant my body is under a lot of physiological stress.  so it’s completely understandable that my body has high white blood cell counts, night sweats, breakouts and fevers.  my body knows something extra is happening, and it’s just doing it’s normal procedure to fight it off naturally.

he also commented on the reason why i haven’t yet seen my surgeon, nor should i expect to.  he is most likely the perfect technician but not a great people person, thus why i keep seeing other members of his team. so, he’s great at what he does, which is exactly what i need when undergoing surgery, but lets others be his front.  which i’m ok with.  it’s understandable.

as for nutrition, my doctor recommended high amounts of fish oil [omega's], vit C, fiber and drinking plenty of water.  that will enable my body to regenerate skin and internally heal faster.  so i’ve started to supplement my daily dosages to fit this diet.  it’s great to have such an understanding and interested PCP.  he is even going to be calling my surgeon, or at least his team, to get a further understanding of what is going on.  doctor to doctor.

he did not say which surgical method is best.  that would be like asking a car mechanic to plumb a house, was his analogy.  makes sense.  he’s a practitioner, not a surgeon as well.  he did agree, based upon my story and what medical records he had already obtained from UWMC what type of mass i have, but he would like to get a straight story from the thoracic team to confirm this.

good news all around!  i go in next tuesday for a CT scan, then am setup to meet with the elusive surgeon wed afternoon, and could be in surgery as soon as thursday! maybe.  it’s up to the surgeon.

in any case, mahalo to all who are supporting me.  it is tough to think about going under the knife again.  i still have many unanswered questions that i would like answers to, but those will have to wait until i am able to speak with the thoracic team next week.  i cannot explain in words what all your positive support has done for me mentally and physically.  it means a great deal to me, and i can’t tell you how appreciative i am of it!

well, after a full night of sleep, with some massive night sweats too, i feel much better about the prognosis from yesterday.

sure, i know yesterday i was complaining about waiting a whole week again for more information and possible surgery.  yesterday was one of the longest, most stressful and emotional days i’ve had in a long time.  everyone, including the doctors were all thinking lymphoma of some sort, so when we were all hit with this major curveball, it was hard to diagnose the true situation.

i know i’m freaking about another surgery, but you are all right.  i won’t be complaining about it again.  i feel much better with what the doctors have proposed now.  i am at peace with the diagnosis and have a better feeling about the non-invasive surgery.  waiting another week is tough, but i will make it through and be just fine.  i’m surrounded by my family right now, and the support you are all showing is tremendous and wonderful.  it certainly makes it easier to wait another week with all this amazingly positive support.  i know it certainly has helped me stay positive through this entire trip.

i will continue to update as information comes through.

mahalo, kevin

well…. made it to the hospital checked in….and then code gray alarm.  so we were all stuck in our area of the hospital until they cleared something.

turned out a bank robber has run into the hospital, so that’s what code gray means.  police issue.

make it out of code gray and down to radiology where they do a few more xrays of my chest.

back upstairs to await my 3pm appointment with dr wood.  3pm rolls around.  315 rolls around. 330 rolls around. 345 comes and my mom goes to ask what is up. apparently dr wood was called into an emergency surgery. so he was going to be late. 15 more minutes goes by.  finally at 4.15 i am brought to my room.  waited another 20 minutes for dr reddy to come in and give an update.  dr wood still in surgery, but pathology results was what i cared about.

it’s non cancerous from pathology tests.  they also did some special test to make sure it wasn’t lymphoma related.  so, they are calling it a thymic cyst.  they want to remove it by splitting open my chest, with a saw of course.  gives them full view of what’s up.  i’m floored. the absolute last thing i want.  i don’t want any more surgery.  but, fuck it.  just let me breath.  do this thing tomorrow for all i care.

dr reddy leaves after answering some questions we have.

comes back. says after speaking with dr wood they want to actually do non-invasive [remember what they said last time?  i lost part of my friggin rib, so i'm a little nervous.] surgery using cameras and three minor cuts to weave around my rib cage and basically vaccuum the cyst out.  fine, whatever, just let me friggin breath!

oh, well in order to do the second option, they have to wait another week to do a CT scan to make sure that they can actually pull off vaccuum method.  so, i have to wait another week.  fucking great.  i make it very clear to dr reddy that i do not want, nor can i wait that long.  i need it faster.  my biggest fear right now is that i cannot breathe well, and i’d very much like to breathe correctly again.

i guess i should hope for the more non-invasive method.  would be faster recovery.  less pain, and i’d not lose the structural rigidity of my chest. but another week?  serious? i’m sick of waiting… but after thinking about it.  it has to happen.  i had expressed my concerns.  the doctors know.  if they chose to change their minds, awesome.  if not, well, whatevs.

right now, this is a technically much better prognosis than a cancer.  however, the fear of going under the knife, again, is not what i like.  but hey, i’ll be back on track sooner rather than later.  and that’s great.

i will continue to update this page as we find more information.  right now, i’m scheduled for a CT scan tuesday dec 16th, another visit with the doctors on the 17th.  and if possible, surgery on the 18th.  then a few nights in the hospital, and i’m out!

hope this post finds you all well, the generous outpouring of support is mindblowing.  it means the world to me to have all your support and backing on this.  the adventure is not over yet.  in fact, it’s just starting.  i hope to see you all shortly, and i’ll keep you all updated through this blog.

mahalo, kev

well, it’s been a week since i’ve had my biopsy.  it’s been a LONG week of waiting.  i’m still in tremendous pain.  and i’ve only become comfortable breathing with my diaphragm.  extremely minimal lung breathing.  i have these exercises i’ve been doing each day to make sure that neither of my lungs collapse, and they arent the best feeling exercises.  i’d say i’m still limited to about 25% of my normal breathing range, and it’s been like this since my trip to the ER the day after turkey day.

the waiting game is a hard one.  it’s very difficult to keep patient at a time like this.  i’m in pain. i can’t breathe too well. i would really like some answers now. but i have to wait.  not too much farther to go now.

for as painful as it is to wait, i’m doing very well mentally.  i’m in very good spirits and mentally looking forward to this little challenge that i’ve been presented with.  i’m very fortunate that my employer is stuffed full of amazing people who have come to visit me, baked me goodies and have all told me to just get better before worrying about work.  can’t imagine working anywhere else or with any other group of people right now. i’m truly lucky in that department.

i’m also able to laugh, but i try not to with the pain.  i’ve not watched very many movies.  in fact, i haven’t been able to watch one complete one yet.  still working on raiders of the lost ark.  i’ve got two more that my coworker christian brought me, and i’d like to try to watch them shortly.  it’s difficult to watch tv, or movies, or read as these painkillers have been really messing with me.  i don’t like the effect they are having on my anymore.  i am definitely looking forward to taking the last dose so that i don’t have any more to take.  oh man they really affect my eyesight, my ability to focus, to pay attention, to remember things.  it’s really awful. oh well, gotta do it so i can breathe.

it’s been great to have my family here to help support me.  i’ve gone from sleeping in my niece’s bed, to sleeping on the couch, and now i’m sleeping on the bottom bunk of my nephew’s bunk bed.  he’s being very nice to let uncle kuku sleep in his bed while he sleeps up top.  i promised him that i wouldn’t snore.  i don’t know if i’ve been able to keep up with that?

i’m sleeping fairly well, though the ambien is most likely having a big impact on that.  i’ve been having a few people over to visit, but i’ve found that when i have visitors, i get really excited and worn out, so that when they leave, i crash big time.  it’s tough.  i really enjoy seeing my friends, but it’s tough to not get excited to see them.  i know the most important thing right now is to rest and focus on recovering.  i’ve been spending a good portion of each day dozing in and out of sleep, and i’m on a more normal food routine, though i’m still eating like a baby for fear of introducing anything weird into my system that might make it go wonky.  no dairy right now, i’ve even cut off coffee [for now, i'll be BACK!], so basically it’s malt o meal for breakkie, something simple like a fruit smoothie [thanks kristen!!!] for lunch, and then some sort of veggie and rice dish for dinner.  it’s pretty basic, but tastes fine for me.  no meat yet.  the percoset and oxycodone have a tendency to really back one up, and i’m a little fearful of backing up on something like that!

it’s been amazingly wonderful to hear and receive everyones support from facebook, email, phone calls and text messages.  it truly is.  i wish i could hug and visit with each and everyone of you, but it’s a little difficult right now.  after wednesday, look back here for an update on my condition.  we have no clue what it could be.  the doctors have offered up ideas, but not until we know for sure will i know what my path for the future will be.  i’m most likely not going to be doing any outrigger racing until this is healed and my rib has healed [8-14 weeks, and i'm not to lift any weight for a while either with my left side].  that has been tough to wrap my mind around, but there is always next year, and depending on my recovery time, maybe i’ll be able to catch some of the summer ending races if i’m lucky.

mahalo to everyone for your support, kev

in the morning, one of the surgical doctors came to visit and let me know what the next set of things i was to look forward to would be.  the biopsy was sent off to the pathology lab.  it would take anywhere from 5-10 days for pathology to process the biopsy and send back a report.

originally i had been told 5 days for pathology.  another doctor said at least 15 days.  i love the wide ranging  time slots that i keep getting.

so then the PA do dr andrew wood [chief of the cardiothorasic team that did the surgery, he actually did the surgery i was told] came into my room to completely give me a lowdown on my situation.  the following wednesday [dec 10] i was scheduled to come and meet with dr wood to discuss the pathology results.  apparently dr wood had personally called the pathology team to put my biopsy at the top of the list so i didn’t have to survive with this high lack of breathing for so long.  during the meeting i could ask all the questions i kept asking people [what was the medical decision to move from an arthroscopic procedure (technically called a chamberlain procedure) to cutting out a piece of my rib and doing an invasive biopsy, for example] and get some insight as to what my game plan for the future would hold.

it was good to have a date and know that something was happening with my biopsy.  now it was just a waiting game.  out of the hospital i was and onto my sisters house.  my dad was to fly in the following morning, so the entire family would be together, aside from Linda and Russ.  They are both here in thought and spirit though [don't worry, i'm not turning religious!].

biopsy day!  woohoo.  let’s get ready kids!

i actually slept pretty well considering going under the knife is always a little bit of a mental anguish.  i’ve had surgery once before, and that was a rough experience.  if you must know, i was playing soccer the day before high school graduation.  going up for a header, so did my teammate.  he rotated around, and as he did, i got clocked by his elbow.  next thing i knew i was laying on the grass face up with my entire team leaning over me making all sorts of disgusting noises.  apparently, my nose was jammed into my right eye socket.  off to the ER for me!  i don’t remember much of graduation.  i was pretty high on pain killers.  two weeks later, reconstructive surgery was done to allow me to breath through my nose again.  it was tough.  coming out of general anaesthesia was rough rough rough.  have never been keen on doing it again.

so, originally i was slated to go under the knife at 11am.  no water or food past midnight of the night before so to be fully ready for general anaesthesia.  well, i guess they were ready early, since at 9am they said “let’s go!”  so off in the wheelchair i go downstairs to pre-op. there they prepped me for surgery.  i was fortunate that i had gone to the bathroom before being wheeled down.  however, after i was prepped, the entire team left me.  i passed out from being tired.  i don’t know how long they were gone for, or for how long i was asleep for.  all i know is that i woke up being wheeled into surgery.

then i had to go pee again.  i asked if they had a bathroom in there.  two nurses were off to my left, and when i asked that, both were quite noticeably upset with me.  one even appeared to throw her gloves off.  i kinda laughed, until i realized they were joking.  “finally, we get a patient into surgery on time, and now we’re gonna be late again” was the statement i overheard.  oh well.  hey… i can try to hold it, but you know, i’ll be passed out.  it’s not me who’s gonna have urine all over your floor if i can’t hold it.  so they gave me a urinal to pee in.  but, then the entire team was standing there watching me, as i’m all connected to every machine and can’t really move.  so i’m trying my best.  i thought i was done and the tech took the urinal away and well.  needless to say , i wasn’t done.  oh well.  they pushed general into me before i had chance to really say anything, and i knew i would be taking a shower when i got back upstairs.

i woke up quite well.  the anaesthesiologists were amazing.  i was down and up with little fanfare.  it was great. however, the pain in my chest.  holy hell. felt like the entire surgery team had taken a five minute session to jump up and down on my chest. i asked the nurse why i was in such tremendous pain. “oh, they took 1.5 inches from your R3 rib bone.” oh.  really.  hmmm… funny, they said it would be an arthroscropic surgery.  so much for that.  but, let me tell you, i have new found respect for anyone who does chest surgery.  i have no clue how painful it must be to have open chest surgery.  oh my fucking word that has to hurt.  damn, even my 1.5 inches removed has been one of the most painful things i’ve felt.  ever.

anyways… back upstairs i go.  mmm… shower time.  it wasn’t bad, i’m really still surprised i had no ill effect from the anaesthesia.  so, i had a few hours to just sit back and relax.  it was a nice way to finish off a surgery.  except for the pain.

that night i had some thai food from the hospital.  luckily for me and bromley, who i was splitting the dinner with, it was made almost entirely of onions. of which neither of us can eat.  so we gave a plateful of onions in thai sauce to brian.  that evening, brian, bromley, my brother in law [kristofor] and brooke were all there to keep me in good spirits.  brian even passed out on the cot that night.  it was very sweet of him to make sure i was going to survive the night.  especially since the nurse from hell was on my shift, only to be followed by one of the coolest nurses i’ve had the experience to be a patient of.  she was a traveling nurse from the big island, and she was 100% pure aloha spirit.  it was a perfect way to finish off my last night in the hospital.

after a harsh night of high fevers it was nice to have a little relief.  the nurse got me all setup to shower by covering all my IV access points.  i can’t tell you how good it felt to stand in hot water and just enjoy it.  probably one of the best showers i’ve ever had.

alongside being given specific meds for pain [a combo effect of morphine and percoset], i also had to monitor all fluids in and out of my body.  that meant all trips to the bathroom took a little longer and i had to remember how much fluid i was drinking.  i had the fortune of being brought lots of ice water from the nursing station.  the night previous, brian and marijana had stopped by and asked if i had anything to request. jello. it sounded good, and easy on my stomach.  i really wasn’t eating a thing.  i literally had a handful of saltines since the whole episode, but the morphine was keeping all my appetite at bay anyways.

so a huge 12 pack of jello arrived.  it was awesome.  i think i downed the first one so fast it hurt and i had to wait a few hours before i could think of downing another.  i tried to watch the bourne ultimatum on tv, but it was getting so hard to focus on anything with the pain meds that i could only watch a few minutes of the movie before i started to feel nauseaus. bleah.

that night we got a cot so bromley could stay with me since i had my biopsy the next day, and i was to eat or drink nothing after midnight.  it was nice to have someone there to assist me, though i don’t reckon anyone staying got much sleep as the nurses and doctors were in and out every hour with questions, checkups, pain meds and whatnot.  anyways, it was awesome for brom to be there to allow my mom to rest at my sisters house and get a good nights sleep.  biopsy tomorrow!  they say non-invasive!

waking up in a decent level of pain.  prepared to head back to UWMC to give up more blood.  still sporting my ER IV wounds.

off to the hospital we go.  after contacting the cardio-thorasic team, they send a doctor down to fetch me.  Anton is great.  poor kid was a full doctor in the UK, and now that he’s here, he has to go through the entire residency system again.  at least he knows a ton already.  and is super nice.  i give him the lowdown on my story.  it’s a common theme.  tell everyone your first and last name, date of birth.  then you can proceed into retelling your story.  sometimes it feels like you’re being interrogated by the cops and everyone is making sure your story corroborates, but i understand.  it’s in your best interest.  that way things have a minimal chance of slipping through the cracks and not making it to the decision table.

i give up some blood, and meet Anton back at the front of the hospital.  he gives me more prescriptions for pain killers to last me through monday.  then he asks if his senior doctor can have a look at me, as i’m not looking good.  no problem i say.

few minutes later the senior doctor shows up.  we trade surf stories [he being from santa barbara and all], then he looks me over.  suggests i be admitted right then and there to the hospital rather than go home.  so, with that done, we wait about 40 minutes to get a room booked up and moved.

it was a sweet room.  single occupant.  comfy bed, unlike the ER planks. fifth floor. at the end of the hall. and a view of the cut and portage bay! hey, not bad for super expensive a night.  introduced to my first nurse.  jesse and his intern jeff are great.  hands down the best nurses i’ve ever had.  they had me dialed into the system, complete with timelined doses of morphine, percoset and a number of other things i can’t remember.  maybe there wasn’t anything else.  oh, they also took vitals every four hours.  showed me everything i needed about my room, the clunky tv setup, awesome bathroom with seating in the shower!

so, there i am. complete in my hospital room.  i had the luxury of having my sister, mom and bromley there to welcome me. i got situated and comfortable on my bed and prepared to just sit for a few days.

it started out all fine and dandy.  people to chat with. plenty of water to be had. my mom had already learned the access code to the nursing station to get all the good snack stuff.  then my fever turned on.  next thing i knew, i had skyrocketed to 103.8. ouch. i was going through wet wash clothes on my forehead, feet, legs, tylenol… took everything just to slow it down.

it was to be like that through the entire trip.  i’ve had hot flashes constantly.  then i’m frigid.  weird.